Tired of the incessant bickering between the donkeys and the elephants? Sick of the sniping by the Libertarians and Independents? Well, today is your day! Without further ado, we hereby introduce you to the ideal political party, and invite you to join us today in the fight to reclaim our nation!💪
Here are Five Pledges to you from the best (fake) Political Party:
- 💲💲💲 Conservative And Generous - We pledge there will never again be a shortage of any assistance program for any American who needs anything, and we will provide every family with a guaranteed income of $1 million per month. And we will make this happen while simultaneously lowering the tax rate for everyone to just 1.2%!
- 📺Cloak Of Invisibility - We pledge to never run a single TV ad, ever. Not in a campaign year, not in an election year, not in any year, period. We know you hate them and we’re all about what you want, so THEY ARE GONE. You’re welcome!
- ▪️ ⬛ Size Matters - We pledge to reduce government to the size it was under George Washington, while also providing full complimentary service to each and every American. This includes doing your taxes for you, “taking care of” parking tickets or other civil citations you might receive, balancing your checkbook, cleaning your house, and even taking your kids to school. You need it, we’ll do it. And all with a bureaucracy the size of a thimble, because size matters.
- 🫵👂No Really, What Do YOU Want? We pledge to sit down across the table with every American every year to engage in a warm and genuine conversation about every issue facing our nation so we know exactly what you really think about it. We promise it will take 3 minutes or less. We’ll bring the cookies and the safe space.
- 🧑🤝🧑Representation - We pledge to ensure that every political committee, agency, and branch of government will be made up of precisely the same demographic and ideological mix as the nation at large, to maintain the maximum accuracy of representation at every possible moment. To achieve this goal, we’ll review and reshuffle personnel every 24 hours to guarantee we are maintaining the proper mix indefinitely .
🔥Bottom line: Skeptical? Pfft. We’ve got this. 👍 It’s simply a matter of employing socio-econo-political multi-partisanship, both synchronously and asynchronously, while seeking to harmonize diverse and equitable viewpoints to achieve comprehensive reconciliation among all constituencies for the betterment of all citizens.
How hard can that be? It may take us a week or two to work out the kinks, but we’ll get there in short order.
Until then, why not just vote for whoever makes your Paychecks as big as possible?
You probably know this already, but there's no ideal political party. However, you CAN influence YOUR local & state government to get at least one step closer! So here’s three small things you can do that make a BIG impact:
